Rex Grossman Facts

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Rex Grossman, because his rocket arm is deadly.

Rex Grossman doesn't read books. He passes a football to them and they catch on fire because of the speed.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rex Grossman hasn’t hit in the head with a football.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Rex Grossman, because he’s so sexy.

Rex Grossman does not sleep. He waits until Sunday, sometimes Monday, to OWN the gridiron.

Rex Grossman is currently suing ESPN, because every game he is in should be broadcasted on national T.V.

Rex Grossman’s rocket arm is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Rex Grossman once threw a ball ∞ yards.

There is no skull behind Rex Grossman’ sexy face. There is only another, equally, sexy face.

When Rex Grossman does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up with his arms, he’s using his enormous penis.

Rex Grossman’ right hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Rex Grossman can lead a horse to water AND make it drink, then hit it in the face with a football and kill it.

Rex Grossman doesn’t wear a watch…actually he does, but it’s a watch that says “I Rule” every minute to let him know that he does.

Rex Grossman gave Mona Lisa that smile…by having sex with her…out of pity, because he could do much better.

Rex Grossman can throw a football through a revolving door.

Rex Grossman does not get frostbite. Rex Grossman hits frost with a football and Frost’s arm breaks off.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after hearing God talk about his creation of Rex Grossman.

Rex Grossman didn’t loose the 2001 Heisman voting, he let Eric Crouch win because he was not as sexy as Rexy.

Rex Grossman once threw a ball at someone so hard that his receiver’s torso snapped off because the ball was at the speed of light, then it went back in time, and hit Amelia Earhart’s plane while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean, needless to say, killing her.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Rex Grossman out. It failed miserably because he just throws footballs through it.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Rex Grossman has 72... and they're all SEXY.

If you ask Rex Grossman what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After that two seconds, he will already have had sex with your wife.

When Rex Grossman sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself. Rex Grossman has not had to pay taxes, ever, due to his level of sexiness.

The quickest way to a man's heart is to be a fan Rex Grossman.

When Rex Grossman calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He charges them, but make no mistake, Rex does not have sex for money, he is paid because it feels sooooooooo good.

Rex Grossman once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. Then he burped up the stripper and had sex with her.

When Rex Grossman was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he threw a football so hard at the building it became a Wendy's.

A Rex Grossman pass is the preferred method of execution in ALL 50 states.

When Rex Grossman falls in water, Rex Grossman doesn't get wet. Water gets Rex Grossman.

Rex Grossman’ house has no doors, only walls that he throws footballs through.

In honor of Rex Grossman, all McDonald's in Florida have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Rexsized.

Rex Grossman CAN believe it's not butter, then use it as a lubricant to have sex with many women.

Rex Grossman can touch MC Hammer with a football and kill him, but his wife enjoys the song “Can’t Touch This.”

Rex Grossman is responsible for China's over-population. He had sex with every woman in China (all were of age of course) and even though he used a condom, his sperm is so potent, every woman got pregnant.

Some people wear Batman pajamas. Batman wears Rex Grossman pajamas.

Rex Grossman once worked as a weatherman for the Chicago evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 100% chance of Passing Touchdowns.

Simply by hitting it dead on with a football, Rex Grossman can stretch diamonds back into coal.

A high tide means Rex Grossman is playing your local team. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

Rex Grossman keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to hit them in the face with a pass…which is anywhere in this universe.

There is in fact an “ex” in “Rex” and in “sex” coincidence, I think not.

Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Rex Grossman can change the laws of physics. With his passes.